Honesty about my weight

Again part of being on this road is being open and honest. So I want to start here, this is my biggest challenge for this coming years. My weight, as I have stated in a previous post, I was stick thin as a child. I then at puberty added a lot (or what seemed like it at the time) of weight. Ever since than I have struggled with my weight and love of food.

I had a year or two in high school where I suffered with anorexia bulimia. I would starve myself for sometimes days on end and then I would binge like crazy and go throw it up afterwards. It was not healthy and at times super scary. My anorexia was when around other people. I hated eating around others even my own family. Then I would be alone and the hunger would set in and  I would binge on all the wrong things.

Now 10 years after high school I don't starve myself anymore. However, I eat healthy and a sensible sized meal in public, but when I am alone I still binge. As I have done this off and on for years. I have gained way more than I ever expected to. Which as I told you in an earlier post it is hard to get the weight off once you have put it on when you have P.C.O.S.

So here I am as I start this journey on my open road I want it to lead to health and a long life. So I am opening up and bearing all. Not many people know my true weight, in fact other than my husband I don't know if I have told anyone. However, that changes now. This is what I weighed in at this morning.



That is right you read that number right. I never imagined I would let myself get to this point. At 5'3" that makes me Morbidly obese. I hate looking in the mirror. In fact, I don't do my makeup anymore because it requires me to look in the mirror. I refuse to go cloths and bra shopping despite the desperate need because I hate the way I look. I also hate the way I feel.

So as I move on, here is to leaving some baggage behind. I will talk later of my goals of how much to leave behind and how I plan on getting rid of it.